Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
