Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
