I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
