It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
