ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
