yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize