i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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