My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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