we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
