Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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