she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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