Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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