Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
