Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My ATM looks so different sober.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
