I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
