Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
