It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
