Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
