I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
