I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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