I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
