guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
