Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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