M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize