If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
