I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
