Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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