who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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