Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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