I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
