At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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