somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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