well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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