Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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