So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
