He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
