shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
