i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
