And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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