I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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