Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
