omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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