So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
