I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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