Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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