how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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