I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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