You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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