My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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