I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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