Jerry, you need to find god
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
