i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
