New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
