i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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