The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
