He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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