They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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