i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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