I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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