Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
