I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
