My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
