My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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