We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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