hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
