dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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