How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize