remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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