have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
