did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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