Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
